i tried to do everything right, but i got everything wrong. the moral to learn here is, effort does not equate to success, like all the successful people are fond of saying. how disillusioned i was, thinking that if i surrounded myself with people i trusted, then eventually everything would turn out all right. betrayal is a bitter drink, and after the sweet taste of ignorant bliss, it is relatively even more so. and now i play at these small games, trying to stack the wins against the tyrannic frustration of being powerless to change the course of the river to even the most minute degree. i yelled into a world of silence, and didn’t even get the satisfaction of an echo. it kind of helped, though. i’m sure the people that nervously edged away from me would agree. nothing else really does. help, that is. all the things that i’ve been telling other people when they were going through this particular brand of sadness, have lost their luster under the harsh abrasions of personal reality. knowing that the flow of time will carve a gorge through any mountain only makes me impatient for a future when i will only have used to miss her. that’s when i’ll forget that her favorite color is purple, her favorite perfume is escada, and the sound of a hair dryer makes her oddly somnolent. she has a secret love for eggs benedict, a not so secret love for sushi, and her ideal meal would consist of kobe beef, uni, and oysters. she’s just getting over her fear of the dark, and is too emotionally affected by things to enjoy sad movies. she has trouble remembering the name for her favorite french pastries, or pronouncing some words that end with “n”. obviously, i haven’t forgotten yet, but hopefully sooner rather than never. i’ve been told that getting laid will help me forget, but i really don’t see how. the two organs involved are respectively positioned above and below my heart for a reason. or maybe i’ve gotten it all wrong all along. respect no bitch, trick all hoes. haha, it sounds funny when i write it, let alone say it out loud. nah, the salacious life is not for me. maybe not so much because of personal morals (any more), but more because it sounds like it involves too much lying and puffery. and i usually try to be honest and objective. it’s easier because you don’t have to remember as much. oh well. all that’s left is the knowledge that my happiness and success is the sweetest revenge against those who never believed in me. now i just need to be happy and succeed. oh, it sounds so easy..