January 2012
11 posts
oh well.
i tried to do everything right, but i got everything wrong. the moral to learn here is, effort does not equate to success, like all the successful people are fond of saying. how disillusioned i was, thinking that if i surrounded myself with people i trusted, then eventually everything would turn out all right. betrayal is a bitter drink, and after the sweet taste of ignorant bliss, it is...
why am i shaking so much.
god, how do i make this shit stop? look at me, praying to a deity that i stopped having faith in when i was twelve. and everytime my life cleaves in two, i lift my face in the vague opposite direction from the earth’s core, hoping to find solace written in the stars. but they’re just celestial bodies, and i’m a terranic nobody. all that ever results from my silent but fervent...
it ends.
too many regrets to continue, too many faults to correct. from the very start, it wasn’t something i didn’t expect. because if a lot of good can be overshadowed, by just a little bad, then a little bit of happiness will definitely fall to a lot of sad. i can’t say that i’m okay yet. maybe in a month or three. but i’ll survive, as always. at least, hopefully. for now,...
December 2011
1 post
i just reactivated my facebook after a half year...
i’m going to go back under my rock, please.
November 2011
1 post
how have i been?
I’ve been better. In both senses of the phrase, in that I’ve recently been better than I have been being, but I’ve also been better than the better that I have been recently. I hope that makes sense.
October 2011
12 posts
Hearing Dysfunction.
A news anchor said, “Homeowners”, and I heard, “Homo Nerds”.
Futility.
For the first time in a long time, I spent my day curled up in bed reading a book. It was satisfying in a way that no drug could ever be, when I turned the last page. And equally depressing. Tomorrow I return to work, and the monotony of a world where dragons do not exist.
i deactivated my facebook.
it’s been 3+ months now, interjected with quick reactivations for irresistible cat video recommendations. but now i have no outlet for my photo randoms. sorry for the sudden influx of photo randoms, is what i’m trying to say.
July 2011
2 posts
organizing.
thanks much, jeddy and lucy for your comforting responses, although it says much about your ability to follow rules. this one, however, is meant for reading.
post script: i hope one day i get a chance to meet you two, so i can shatter any untenable preconceived notions of someone worth meeting. but by then, it’ll be too late. mehehehe..
the future is grim, tomorrow is bleak, these days...
dang it, tumblr.
i was going to post something, but i got distracted “liking” things. now i must go to sleep. so this is what a love/hate relationship feels like…
May 2011
1 post
these words are not intended for reading.
i’m depressed. plain and simple. it’s not a disease, to be cured by a pill, or scrutinized and labeled. it’s a state of mind that i’ve built for myself, slathered by mistakes, plastered with my faults. i remember slitting my wrists with scissors and razors and anything with a point, to see if it would release emotions like the hushed whispers said they did. bull shit....
April 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
this harvest.
i’m so disappointed in myself, i am not my best me. not willing to be a martyr, so go ahead and arrest me, so i can live to write another way, learn to right another day. or do i have to die, that way i can be reborn, push past the criticisms and embrace the scorn. burn to the ground and rise from a single ember, speak my mind and just hope that i remember that memories are forgotten so...
January 2011
1 post
morbid thoughts.
this is a house, and i reside here. here lives hope, right beside fear. i’m just another insomniac disturbed by rest, another bulemic just trying to digest. i can’t shake this feeling that i was meant for more, it preys on my emotions and vibrates to my core. held back by nothing, still i’m going nowhere, asphyxiating on this abundance of fresh air. i am a king in a...
November 2010
3 posts
to my dear mother, from your child estranged.
mother, you frustrate me. you make me hate me for being born from your womb. until i put the last stone on your tomb, i cannot bring myself to forgive you for what you made my sister and me live through. you quit your job because you were feeling lazy, didn’t care enough to raise me. so you left us to court your religion, and told us that the holy path justified your decision. for this...
be tough.
break ups are lame. like baking a whole batch of fish sticks and realizing the tartar sauce you bought tastes like pap smear. LAME.
little lady, the world revolves, and it will again, at the end of the horizon, it will begin. the difference between letting go and holding on, is where you stand when he’s long gone. time will only tinge your smile with regret, and there will always be...
ahh, where are my manners?
i’ve forgotten all about you, tumblr. well not ALL, per se. i still remember my password, which is a start, haha. more to come…
…maybe.
October 2010
1 post
to the rescue.
not for serious consumption, haha.
i’m sixteen bars from the end of this verse, and i’m only getting better, if i’m not getting worse. so i will endeavor to be clever in what i say. i’m far from okay, but i know i’m getting closer, life is a symphony, and i’m the composer. music is my mistress, and only because i chose her. i’m droppin’ notes like...
August 2010
1 post
facebook status excerpts.
and i was that bored. i have some replies to write, but first things first, here are some facebook status updates that i’ve digged up for my own amusement, and yours too, i guess.
Noah C. Lee is laundering his body.
Noah C. Lee isn’t real.
Noah C. Lee is fighting gravity. it’s quite the uphill battle.
Noah C. Lee is simple.
Noah C. Lee is holding up traffic.
Noah C. Lee is...
July 2010
4 posts
holding on.
i’m holding on to memories, although they may be lost. putting together right now, from the moment our paths first crossed. i’m searching for captured fragments, as my mind, i exhaust, picking through the rubble, for forgotten bits we tossed. i try to hum the melody, a song i’m listening to. i’m telling myself forget it, but i know i’m reminiscing too. so i find...
sweet or sour.
why don’t you understand that i want to be there when you cry? to be ready with a shoulder, for your eyes to dry. i want to experience every moment with you. to make of every second, a mental tattoo. when you understand for the first time, that life isn’t always hard. when you realize for the first time, that you can be internally scarred. when everything seems to just fall in place,...
a dead end.
i’ve lost what little i’ve tried so hard to gain. all my efforts and pain, were all in vain. she walks away, while i stand still. my hands reach out, as hands will. my feet, they stutter. but do not move. my lips, my words, they do not soothe. anything i say, her eyes dismiss. regrettable, that things came to this. where once my arms were her only reprieve, now my shoulders are just a...
the cost of freedom.
my soul is heavily weighted, though my bonds, they be light. i am worn to rough bits, to some devil’s delight. i patch myself together, into an organized mess. i’ve been a worthless son, a careless friend, a thoughtless lover; i want to be more than less. but i’m stuck in a cold coffin of my own devising, too busy attending my funeral to see the sun rising. the world trys its...
June 2010
1 post
how i met your mother.
i’m not a romantic, i’m just a man who fell in love. she’s a beauty nobody but me is worthy of, because no one else can appreciate her the way i do. she’s undeniably my right, and i’m her other shoe. if she’s all i have left, i need nothing more, i’ve been dead all my life, she’s what i’m living for. take away my bones and skin, and...
May 2010
3 posts
hamlet (remix)
a homework assignment i dredged up today from ninth? tenth? bah.
to sleep or not to sleep—there is no question: whether ‘tis easier on the mind to suffer the lectures and problems of teachers anonymous, or to take detentions and sleep the period away and, by sleeping, be at peace. to rest, to relax— no more—and by relax to say we put our feet up and dream of the thousand...
so i bleed.
i walk this road, footsteps recede. pen touches paper, and so i bleed. but what i write, is not in blood, i leave the thorns to nip the bud. so i connect the dots, a constellation, and i live today, small consolation. my presence here is not required, but i am involuntarily mired. not a resident, but a backwards guest, i take my leave when i finally rest. thus, i dream, in restless fervor, a heavy...
the journey of sound.
songs are my fuel, and music is the vehicle in which i travel through life between the dotted white lines. stop, and go, no left turns, wrong way, yield. but i’m too busy ignoring the signs. my intention isn’t to cause an accident, i just don’t want to chance to glance in my rearview and have my life defined by the kind of rules that lead me to nowhere on the corner of anonymity...
April 2010
1 post
a story, if you please.
i oblige, but not to please. forgive my teeny rebellion.
there once was a boy with a toy who never shared. he played by himself and nobody cared. he grew up to be alone, but not lonely. a solitary acorn to a full grown tree. never needed company, and no one needed him, did what he wanted, followed every whim. then one day, he chanced upon a little girl, who walked with a skip, and danced with a...
March 2010
1 post
the freedom of responsibility.
i wake up each day, hoping my life will improve, racing around in a self-established groove. the monotony is wearing a rut into my mind, never catching up, always behind. is this what i paid for, this freedom to be chained to the ball of responsibility? i want to do what i want, not only what i need, i want to taste and enjoy, not just eat and feed. i don’t want to jump, i want to dive, i...
December 2009
1 post
November 2009
10 posts
my reverie.
could you be the one to break me out of my reverie? i’m stuck in a stupor, dislodged in a dream, frozen in a fraction of a sunbeam. glazed in the glass of glamor and gleam, ensnared in a knot, sewn in the seam of a crater, greater by far than any explosion due to the death of a star. i’m dazed in the dazzle of the dark’s attraction, following the factions of fellow phantoms that first fell through...
love should be simple.
she knows what she’s doing, but i’m not sure if i do. how do these arrows miss my skin, and pierce me right through? there, she slumbers, and i will not wake her. i’m not going to fall for you, not for a heartbreaker. you’re not healthy for me, and it’s just not wise, to love a mask, to look into lying eyes. don’t think you deceived me, that i ever believed we, could be what i can only imagine is...
my mistakes.
you sit there, and listen to me apologize. cheeks are wet, because you’re bleeding from the eyes. i tell you that i was wrong, and i’m sorry that it took so long, but i’m standing here now. do you think you can forgive me, someway, somehow? i didn’t mean to hurt you, but i understand how i did. i should’ve seen all those emotions you buried and hid. i promise that won’t happen again, this is me...