April 2012
1 post
all that matters.
when the world comes to an end, i just hope i’ll have made a mark, tracing my footsteps with a candle, scribbling in the dark. my story is a concerto that i play as i compose, drawing the final note as the curtains draw to a close. and if all the world’s a stage, then i present to you the perfect cast; all those who made me who i am, that are immortalized in my past. i owe them all a bow, where...
February 2012
6 posts
you didn't get a turn.
i learned so much from all that you’ve shown me, like, you can be alone, and not be lonely. and you can be lonely, but not alone, if loneliness is all you have known. you can remember everything, and forget that you did, you can open your mind, by tightening the lid. you can stand taller by being on all fours, and fun can be derived from the most base chores. you can silently lead, by...
the point past making sense.
i’m most alive in the night, when nothing breathes, but everything stirs. and i hold up my hand to paint the sky with the empty space between my fingers. that’s when the mind races faster than the time it takes to consider, the moments we try to forget, memories so harsh and bitter. if the mind was a mouth, there would be a cavity in every tooth. we all have a predilection to fiction,...
if i may borrow your attention please.
i’ll be posting (hopefully) a song a day at http://heartfood.tumblr.com/. we’ll see how long that lasts.
list of achievements: notably short.
god, i hope that one day i’ll have done more than recycle air for so long.
just keep swimming.
finding your bearings when life’s upside down, is harder than you think. especially when you’re walking on the edge, your feet just slivers from the brink. i set off on my own, though it might’ve been better to remain. but that decision’s done and made; you can’t get wetter in the rain. there’s no turning back, if only because i forgot from where i came, the...
it all adds up.
each word i write is a tiny fraction of expression that is captured from every memory that defines who i am right now.
January 2012
3 posts
oh well.
i tried to do everything right, but i got everything wrong. the moral to learn here is, effort does not equate to success, like all the successful people are fond of saying. how disillusioned i was, thinking that if i surrounded myself with people i trusted, then eventually everything would turn out all right. betrayal is a bitter drink, and after the sweet taste of ignorant bliss, it is...
why am i shaking so much.
god, how do i make this shit stop? look at me, praying to a deity that i stopped having faith in when i was twelve. and everytime my life cleaves in two, i lift my face in the vague opposite direction from the earth’s core, hoping to find solace written in the stars. but they’re just celestial bodies, and i’m a terranic nobody. all that ever results from my silent but fervent...
it ends.
too many regrets to continue, too many faults to correct. from the very start, it wasn’t something i didn’t expect. because if a lot of good can be overshadowed, by just a little bad, then a little bit of happiness will definitely fall to a lot of sad. i can’t say that i’m okay yet. maybe in a month or three. but i’ll survive, as always. at least, hopefully. for now,...
October 2011
2 posts
Hearing Dysfunction.
A news anchor said, “Homeowners”, and I heard, “Homo Nerds”.
Futility.
For the first time in a long time, I spent my day curled up in bed reading a book. It was satisfying in a way that no drug could ever be, when I turned the last page. And equally depressing. Tomorrow I return to work, and the monotony of a world where dragons do not exist.
July 2011
1 post
organizing.
the future is grim, tomorrow is bleak, these days the sun keeps playing hide and seek. every day i don’t succeed, my opportunities grow slimmer, holding my head above water, the solitary stranded swimmer. my imagination walks tamely, i dream no more. my ambition silenced; it lost its roar. but the future is not something to be predicted, it stands to reason it doesn’t follow what i...
May 2011
1 post
these words are not intended for reading.
i’m depressed. plain and simple. it’s not a disease, to be cured by a pill, or scrutinized and labeled. it’s a state of mind that i’ve built for myself, slathered by mistakes, plastered with my faults. i remember slitting my wrists with scissors and razors and anything with a point, to see if it would release emotions like the hushed whispers said they did. bull shit....
February 2011
1 post
this harvest.
i’m so disappointed in myself, i am not my best me. not willing to be a martyr, so go ahead and arrest me, so i can live to write another way, learn to right another day. or do i have to die, that way i can be reborn, push past the criticisms and embrace the scorn. burn to the ground and rise from a single ember, speak my mind and just hope that i remember that memories are forgotten so...
January 2011
1 post
morbid thoughts.
this is a house, and i reside here. here lives hope, right beside fear. i’m just another insomniac disturbed by rest, another bulemic just trying to digest. i can’t shake this feeling that i was meant for more, it preys on my emotions and vibrates to my core. held back by nothing, still i’m going nowhere, asphyxiating on this abundance of fresh air. i am a king in a...
November 2010
2 posts
to my dear mother, from your child estranged.
mother, you frustrate me. you make me hate me for being born from your womb. until i put the last stone on your tomb, i cannot bring myself to forgive you for what you made my sister and me live through. you quit your job because you were feeling lazy, didn’t care enough to raise me. so you left us to court your religion, and told us that the holy path justified your decision. for this...
be tough.
break ups are lame. like baking a whole batch of fish sticks and realizing the tartar sauce you bought tastes like pap smear. LAME.
little lady, the world revolves, and it will again, at the end of the horizon, it will begin. the difference between letting go and holding on, is where you stand when he’s long gone. time will only tinge your smile with regret, and there will always be...
October 2010
1 post
to the rescue.
not for serious consumption, haha.
i’m sixteen bars from the end of this verse, and i’m only getting better, if i’m not getting worse. so i will endeavor to be clever in what i say. i’m far from okay, but i know i’m getting closer, life is a symphony, and i’m the composer. music is my mistress, and only because i chose her. i’m droppin’ notes like...
July 2010
4 posts
holding on.
i’m holding on to memories, although they may be lost. putting together right now, from the moment our paths first crossed. i’m searching for captured fragments, as my mind, i exhaust, picking through the rubble, for forgotten bits we tossed. i try to hum the melody, a song i’m listening to. i’m telling myself forget it, but i know i’m reminiscing too. so i find...
sweet or sour.
why don’t you understand that i want to be there when you cry? to be ready with a shoulder, for your eyes to dry. i want to experience every moment with you. to make of every second, a mental tattoo. when you understand for the first time, that life isn’t always hard. when you realize for the first time, that you can be internally scarred. when everything seems to just fall in place,...
a dead end.
i’ve lost what little i’ve tried so hard to gain. all my efforts and pain, were all in vain. she walks away, while i stand still. my hands reach out, as hands will. my feet, they stutter. but do not move. my lips, my words, they do not soothe. anything i say, her eyes dismiss. regrettable, that things came to this. where once my arms were her only reprieve, now my shoulders are just a...
the cost of freedom.
my soul is heavily weighted, though my bonds, they be light. i am worn to rough bits, to some devil’s delight. i patch myself together, into an organized mess. i’ve been a worthless son, a careless friend, a thoughtless lover; i want to be more than less. but i’m stuck in a cold coffin of my own devising, too busy attending my funeral to see the sun rising. the world trys its...
June 2010
1 post
how i met your mother.
i’m not a romantic, i’m just a man who fell in love. she’s a beauty nobody but me is worthy of, because no one else can appreciate her the way i do. she’s undeniably my right, and i’m her other shoe. if she’s all i have left, i need nothing more, i’ve been dead all my life, she’s what i’m living for. take away my bones and skin, and...
May 2010
3 posts
hamlet (remix)
a homework assignment i dredged up today from ninth? tenth? bah.
to sleep or not to sleep—there is no question: whether ‘tis easier on the mind to suffer the lectures and problems of teachers anonymous, or to take detentions and sleep the period away and, by sleeping, be at peace. to rest, to relax— no more—and by relax to say we put our feet up and dream of the thousand...
so i bleed.
i walk this road, footsteps recede. pen touches paper, and so i bleed. but what i write, is not in blood, i leave the thorns to nip the bud. so i connect the dots, a constellation, and i live today, small consolation. my presence here is not required, but i am involuntarily mired. not a resident, but a backwards guest, i take my leave when i finally rest. thus, i dream, in restless fervor, a heavy...
the journey of sound.
songs are my fuel, and music is the vehicle in which i travel through life between the dotted white lines. stop, and go, no left turns, wrong way, yield. but i’m too busy ignoring the signs. my intention isn’t to cause an accident, i just don’t want to chance to glance in my rearview and have my life defined by the kind of rules that lead me to nowhere on the corner of anonymity...
March 2010
1 post
the freedom of responsibility.
i wake up each day, hoping my life will improve, racing around in a self-established groove. the monotony is wearing a rut into my mind, never catching up, always behind. is this what i paid for, this freedom to be chained to the ball of responsibility? i want to do what i want, not only what i need, i want to taste and enjoy, not just eat and feed. i don’t want to jump, i want to dive, i...
November 2009
10 posts
my reverie.
could you be the one to break me out of my reverie? i’m stuck in a stupor, dislodged in a dream, frozen in a fraction of a sunbeam. glazed in the glass of glamor and gleam, ensnared in a knot, sewn in the seam of a crater, greater by far than any explosion due to the death of a star. i’m dazed in the dazzle of the dark’s attraction, following the factions of fellow phantoms that first fell through...
love should be simple.
she knows what she’s doing, but i’m not sure if i do. how do these arrows miss my skin, and pierce me right through? there, she slumbers, and i will not wake her. i’m not going to fall for you, not for a heartbreaker. you’re not healthy for me, and it’s just not wise, to love a mask, to look into lying eyes. don’t think you deceived me, that i ever believed we, could be what i can only imagine is...
my mistakes.
you sit there, and listen to me apologize. cheeks are wet, because you’re bleeding from the eyes. i tell you that i was wrong, and i’m sorry that it took so long, but i’m standing here now. do you think you can forgive me, someway, somehow? i didn’t mean to hurt you, but i understand how i did. i should’ve seen all those emotions you buried and hid. i promise that won’t happen again, this is me...
who you are to me.
somedays i want to wrap you in an embrace that blurs the line where you begin and i end until it disappears. this is the beginning to my happiness, as well as to all my fears. somedays i regret the day i met you, because i can’t want who i’ve never met. i can never miss the sun, if i’ve never seen it set. somedays i wouldn’t mind spending hours just watching how the sunlight catches the curvature...
how i see you.
the bones of my body reverberate when you speak. no one else but you, because lady, you’re unique. can’t explain why, or how this came about. how your voice became the water, that chased away my drought. all i can say, the utmost i can do, is remind you everyday, why it is that i love you. if i could only do one thing, i’d like for you to see, the beauty that i see, when you’re right in front of...
to be missed.
just hold on tight, and the night will pass, as the minutes rain in the hourglass. and though it seems the world conspires against you, in the land of dreams, i will find you. close your eyes, and i’ll be right there, before they open, this i swear. you’re my prayer, and i miss you, really. but the day will come, and we’ll be together again, silly. tomorrow, the clock will have spinned, but for...
i'll be for you.
if the world be a dragon, i will be your knight. to fight against the darkness, to war against the blight. if pain be an illness, i will be your cure. bandage your wounds and hurt, so that you may endure. if sorrow be a burning sun, i will be your shade. to be for you a comfort that will never, ever fade. if loneliness be a picture, i’ll be for you an artist, to paint it all over again, to show...
consider today.
hold fast to the mast, and the sails will fill, the breeze is your ink, the ship is your quill. ride across a canvas, perpetually blank, battle the rocks where other ships sank. navigate by the heavens, chart your course across the globe, don the clouds like a hat, wear the weather like a robe. today is a day made just for you, consider that in everything you do.
a word.
a word, to the wise, is the beginning of a thought. a peace to be salvaged, a war to be fought. it is the start of a sentence, or an end to a paragraph. the sobering dregs of morality, or the color in a laugh. a word is an introduction, an unquantifiable sea, or the momentum that carries to the ground, a falling tree. but a word, to the foolish, is no more than that. a note, that could be sharp,...
a silent cacophony.
what you’ll never know, is how far i’ll go, to never show that right underneath my skin is a heart that beats in tandem with yours. i’ll smile, all the while, holding back my hands that want nothing more than to unwring yours and warm the sadness right out of the crosshatched lining of your palms. if i could, i would smooth out the weariness in the wrinkles, tease the creases of...
October 2009
9 posts
a sweet lie.
i’m walking down this road, will you walk with me? between the bottom of the sky, and the top of the sea? i feel this tug at my bones, that tells me to leave, to escape the web that i myself weave. there is another day, just over the horizon. and a blue that is leeched from the ink in my pen. i can’t promise you riches, or love, or glory. but you will not regret it, and we will live our own story....
just a joker.
i live a life that’s not my own, with a crown of glass, a wooden throne. a scepter of stone, i’m all alone. what i describe is not a king, i do not rule a single thing. what i am, is just a joke, a jesting fool, a silly bloke. my words are of little consequence, not worth your time, nor your pence. i trick and deceive, to make you believe otherwise, take care, my truths, beware, my...
butterflies.
there’s butterflies in my stomach from the memory, of the way i felt when you smiled at me. so slightly you disturbed my equilibrium, paralyzed, i was struck dumb. not of wit, but of speech, to see an angel within reach. i couldn’t blink, didn’t want to dislodge, from my vision, such a pleasant mirage. i was deaf to the world, and all i heard, was these butterflies as they stirred. they whispered,...
my last farewell.
my words make you cry, my silence does the same, in the end, i have only myself to blame. i’ve hurt you through your love for me, and that was never the person that i wanted to be. your happiness means a lot to me, nothing else matters. anything you ask, i’d give, though it leaves my heart in tatters. because at the end of the day what use am i, if i can’t make you smile. i tried to lie to me, and...
only me.
an unsmiling warrior that fears no fiend, an infant who cries, yet to be weaned. a frost that pervades through wood and glass, a heat that eats, but will one day pass. the right and the left, the wrong and the right, the push and the pull, the dark and the light. the dregs at the bottom, the foam at the top, the opposite of go is invariably stop. the opposite of old can be young or new, but the...
left unsaid.
it’s all in here, in my head, the words that contradict all i’ve said. the words on which i’ve swallowed and choked, for fear of them never being revoked. no one ever considers the opportunity cost, too busy seeking gain, to see what’s lost. it’s always in hindsight that things become clear, and foresight shows you what’s in the rear. but things like this, you’re supposed to confront head on,...
a journey.
i am more than what i seem, but so are you too. we’re really just a dream, paddling in a canoe, that floats on a boulevard of meandering wishes, intentions and purpose circling us like fishes. our paddles are our labor, which we use to move forward, backs bent to a rhythm, as our eyes gaze shoreward. maybe one day we’ll wake up and find, the end of a horizon, disappearing behind. stand up in our...
the price of knowing what lies ahead.
if you had the power to see the future, would you do so? is that something you’d really want to know? to know what to do, know what she’ll say, forfeit the right to ever have a surprising day. to see the sun that will shine on your grave, to see those you nurtured, and those you couldn’t save. to walk in a path that you’ve already seen, like a perpetual rerun, just another...
i, against the world.
do you know a man that holds his head like i? who’s tongue spits the truth in the middle of a lie? do you know the man that i am, breath in every fiber, heart in every gram? what do you know of me and my soul, the crook of a cranny, the nook in the knoll? speak what you will, but it will not reach my ear. it is filled with a stubborness that filters what i hear. you’ve never met my...
August 2009
6 posts
pair.
i wish i could’ve said something, maybe started something. we could’ve been the pair that, i always can’t help but stare at. the girl and the guy that don’t need to hold hands for you to know that they’re together. they’re tethered together by something unseen, no need for definitions, you know what i mean. but i just let you slide on by, a little too cautious, my fragile heart’s too shy. so i sit...
a war inside.
where do we go from here, now that we’ve come so far? i don’t know what to do, now that i know who you are. you are the antithesis to my being, the bane of my soul, you are the white of snow, and i, the dark of coal. so different, you and i, but i am reluctantly drawn, to walk where you have walked, to look to where you’ve gone. you run from here to there, and i will ever pursue, you will never...
true to a fault.
excuse me while i lose her to the demands of my own pride, just let me through, please stand aside. i know what’s going to happen, i’ve done it before, that is, turn my back on the one that i love and adore. i won’t let myself chance being even once rejected, so i let go first, so i won’t be affected. i don’t want to wait and find out, that it wasn’t what i thought, blindly i was seeing something...
